My Sister

6/17 

For the past 6 months I’ve had the privilege of walking this cancer journey side by side with Amanda. Whether it was in a clinic or via phone...we have held each other up through struggles, found reasons to belly laughed despite the pain, cried in the deepest valleys, complained about our food battles, and cheered each other on when we didn’t want to put one foot in front of the other. Even though it has only been 6 months, I feel like she has been my sister since childhood. I met Amanda and Stryker at our clinic in Arizona, two days after Christmas, two days after Stryker carried her, pain ridden, into the emergency room. Christmas Day, the day they found out she had 24 tumors in her brain. He carried her into the ER two more times while we were there. We watched the ambulance whisk her away one horrible day. She held strong through so much pain and adversity. I remember what we endearingly referred our “Stabbing Day”. Multiple blood samples needed to be drawn but couldn’t be taken from our PICC line because our IV treatment was going in there and they were measuring its effectiveness. I don’t know what it was called medically speaking, but I watched as the nurse tried to get some device in Amanda’s vein. And Amanda was responding much more than a brief wincing of pain. I was next. Gulp!And I knew I was doomed. She is one tough cookie, especially compared to me. Sure enough, it was torture. I’ll take an IV stick any day over that torture. We obviously survived and would joke about it from that day forward. The pain of this last week has felt like our “Stabbing Day.” But on my heart. I feel like I’ve been sucker-punched when I am already “down” from losing mom’s physical presence here on earth. Now Amanda’s cancer has become too aggressive for her already beaten down, cancer ravaged body. After having the gift of being able to be by my mom’s side to comfort, hold, and care for her transition from this earthly life, words aren’t adequate enough to describe the agony of not being able to be by Amanda’s side one last time to comfort, hold, and care for her. My brain knows that isn’t my place. Stryker, her husband, is doing a wonderful job of that, I know full well. He has faithfully been caring for her this entire journey which started 3 short months after their marriage. Plus, her parents and sisters are there beside her as well. Maybe it’s better that I remember her strong. Man, she is certainly one of, if not, THE strongest people I have ever met. But it’s not about me and my needs or wants. It’s about Amanda and her family. More mourning. More grieving. I think I have run out of tears by now. But I do know that I truly have felt Jesus wrapping His arms around me. Through prayers and encouragement of my support network, from truth in His Word, and also as I have fallen prostrate in brokenness and tears before Him. Cancer ravages. Our corrupt “Health” care system, Big Pharma, FDA, and “health” insurance ravage even more. But Jesus is WAY bigger than any of those and is worthy of all honor and praise...on the mountain tops and in the deepest, darkest valleys. He is light and life and hope and THE conqueror of the grave. He not only knows our names but knows our hearts as well. Praying for Amanda. Praying for Stryker. Praying for her family as they walk the road of transition and eventually say goodbye. 😭 Love her so much!